I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Randomize
