I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
