...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
