I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
