Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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