God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
