dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
