dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
