i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
