you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
