Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
