did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
