That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
