my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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