Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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