so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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