The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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