did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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