Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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