just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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