I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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