omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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