He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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