If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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