Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
