life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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