If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
