so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
