did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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