I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
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