I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Randomize
