thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
