I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
