Banned from zoo.
Again?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
