last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
