Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
