fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
