nut hugger
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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