In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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