I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize