The maid of honor just puked.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Houston, we have a blender
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
