Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
