Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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