His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
