Grow some girl-balls and come out already
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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