I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
