I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
