best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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