Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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