i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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