I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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