I think I died a long time ago.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
