He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
