wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
