$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize