and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
