So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
