I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
