This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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