I wish I could teleport
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize