no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
