I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
