hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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