It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
