Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
