Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
