It's a beautiful day for a hangover
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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