If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize