I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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