I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
