Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize