I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
