There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
