I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
