I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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