The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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