I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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