i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
