I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
