need another drink. this is the easiest way
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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