Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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