I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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