apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
