There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
