She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize