A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
